A funny thing happened on the way to the locker room…
Okay, so, I’m at the gym, doing my cardio on the elliptical trainer (bad knees). I find doing cardio exercise excruciatingly boring, so I’m reading Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon. The gym acknowledges that doing one’s cardio is very boring and so has a TV in front of the bank of exercise machines. This morning, instead of the Golden Girls, the TV is tuned to the Fox morning news.
At some point I look up and realize they are about to broadcast the U.N. Council meeting. The anchors are doing some news banter as everybody finds their seats. At some point, one of them informs the viewing audience that the earliest possible time we could expect U.S. air strikes against Iraq is the beginning or middle of March. The reason the military gave for this is that is when they could “take advantage of the greatest powers of darkness.” Oh, um, due to the lack of a moon in the night sky.
So, what I wanna know if this was another gaffe on part of a news writer, snide commentary on part of the anchor or a pure Freudian slip.
I agree with Kip: option C. As Rainman would say, “Definitely Mordor, definitely.”
Which gets me to thinking, in the “Which Character from the Lord of the Rings are You” quiz, which one would you pick for Dubya?
(I’m not referencing a particular one, I just imagine there is)
Wormtongue. Assuming Karl Rove is Saruman and Congress is King Theoden.
Of course the analogy breaks down once you start casting for the armies of darkness. As much as I oppose this war, I do so, in part, because I fear for the lives of all those Frodos being told that Shock & Awe is akin to casting the ring into the pit.
But otherwise, I think Kip nails it on the head.
The anchor’s comment is straight talk, actually … and with desert temperatures rolling up in April, mid-March is the *only* time that a military planner would go for.
So if we can hold off Paul Wolfowitz — my candidate for Wormtongue — for another month, we may get the whole summer to solve the problem peacefully. Will that happen? The military will go when he says go, even if it’s 120 degrees with moonlit shining through the gas clouds (it’s worth remembering that the Germans relaxed because the Allies nearly “missed” a critical tide & weather window for the D-Day invasion.) And then there’s the question … after ten years of stupid embargo games, what are the odds that six months will find common let’s-at-least-agree-to-live-together space for all the factions involved? Always, hope.
JRR commented once that LOTR was not a depiction of the Second World War, or anything else but an extension of his scholarly efforts. Some archetypes do seem to rise out of our literature into reality, though … it’s not really a good fit, but Boromir might be closer for our current leader … the father/son issue, the fixation on protecting Gondor at any cost.
Can’t see the man as a warrior, though (:{/})
I still agree with the Michael Moore poster who thought that Bush should be cast as Jar-Jar. Or vice versa. Besides, I don’t know diddly about LOTR. I fell asleep at page 35 back at the age of 12 and never returned.
Whereas the Jar-Jar direction has definite appeal, I just don’t think Dubya has the same level of compassion and consideration (not to mention table manners) Though they both irritate me no end.
As Boromir–very compelling, considering the blatant power grabbing, transparent tactics and single-minded patriotism. Then there’s the fact that Boromir got taken out of the picture early on.
You could tell me anything about LOTR, including that halfway through chapter 60, Big Bird lookalikes took over Middle Earth and did a big musical number with rubber swords and balsa wood crossbows. I’d have to believe you. But you knew that already, right ?
Elliptical trainers are eerie. I wish they’d at least design them in a nice pastel shade or with art-deco daisy decals or something.
Big Bird doesn’t appear until Book IV: Wrath of the Rubber Ducky.
No candidates for Gollem? Insofar as a conflicted conscience goes, how about the American public? Polls swing up and down wildly, we have the largest pre-war anti-war movement, yet strong pro-war sentiments despite universal certainty the war will provoke terrorist reprisals and regional instability. I think the country is practically schizo.
Oh, would that getting rid of Weapons of Mass Destruction were as simple as casting them into Mount Doom!
I alternate daily between believing the conspiracy theory explaining the War on Iraq (that it is motivated by a mixture of War for Oil and a wish to finish what GW’s daddy started) and believing the no less unattractive theory that it really is an ass-backwards extension of the War on Terror.
The latter theory holds that while hiding out in Air Force One and their various bunkers, GW and company woke up to the reality of what WMDs could do to Washington, New York and the power they hold dear (it would be awfully hard on the billionaires if Wall Street were buried in radioactive rubble, after all). So they’re attempting to achieve non-proliferation of WMD’s in the only way they know how, by mounting a posse and shooting at things. This regardless of the fact that their notion of who the “good” and “bad” guys are seems to have been formulated while on a bad drug trip (we pick on self-interested and therefore relatively predictable Saddam first while ignoring the fanatics in charge of Pakistan and India, not to mention loony North Korea?).
Somehow neither of these theories rings true, but the alternatives seem even more unlikely. I’m not looking forward to events of the next few years, but I *am* looking forward to reading what the historians have to say about them afterward. (May we all live to read those books!)